Everyone in some point in their life will have the unfortunate experience of having at least one sort of toxic relationship. A lot of times, people only refer to friends or past-partners when they are speaking on toxic relationships. Anyone that makes you feel like crap and always lives to see the negative can apply.
Cutting off a Negative Nancy (or Nathan) from your life is probably one of the hardest things to do that involves any sort of relationship. In the end, you usually are going to be the one mainly hurting over it and feeling the adverse effects of the relationship. However, it definitely is a lot less harder on yourself in the end as you don’t have to spend anymore time on these energy-consuming people that just diminishes a person’s sense of self.
I made this post for the sole purpose of informing everyone that it is completely okay to cut off a person who is mentally draining, even if it is family. There is not a single person on the world that is worth depleting your self-worth and mental energy for.
Trust me, I have had to cut off a lot more people than I am comfortable stating as they were just a huge weight on my shoulders and causing nothing but unhappiness and negative energy in my life.
Take a look down below for:
- The BEST Way To Cutting Out The Poison
- The Detox Stages and How to Overcome Them
Cutting Out The Poison:
The best way to cutting off a person who is “bad news” is to simply be direct and assertive. All that is needed to be done is to inform them of the effect the relationship is having on you and how you can no longer continue interacting with them. If you are the non-confrontational type you could just block them right after you send the “farewell message” or just block them in general.
It is honestly better to just get straight to the point as regardless it is going to cause some pain as ending any sort of relationship causes pain.
In this stage, there aren’t really any sort of feelings you are trying to overcome. In all honesty, you will more than likely feel instantly relieved and may even feel happy. The emotions and questioning comes later on.
Doubting yourself is a pretty ordinary thing and happens a lot if a person is lacking a sense of self and worth. It happens with every decision a person makes, not just with this particular one.
This part is the hardest as it is for everyone,including myself. Because let’s face it: you are questioning yourself on whether you did the right thing or not. You relish on the memories you once held onto with this person, and missing the little good times that you guys once had.
Let me tell you: it is completely okay and normal to feel this way.
How To Overcome These Feelings:
- Remind yourself of why you cut them off in the first place. Heck, to even make it more of a reality write it down so you can see it for your eyes.
- I know in a lot of cultures they teach to hide your emotions and pretend everything is fine. I completely disagree with this “coping method” it is so self-destructive and causes more emotions to arise than needed. Embrace each and every emotion that comes, as it will go like a tidal wave crashing against the shore. It is okay to be sad of the relationship really coming to an end. It is okay to be pissed off because of the treatment you received and how they made you feel for however long they did.
- Keep yourself busy. You are allowed to dwell on thoughts of them, however do not let it become an obsessive thought. It is okay to miss people even if they were bad to you, it’s a part of life to miss the things that we once had. Do some hobbies or crafts you are into.
- Reflect on the good and bad. What has this relationship taught you? How has this impacted you? Ponder on the relationship you once had and reflect over everything. It is even okay to miss the memories as that is all they are.
I usually “self-proclaim” a self-care day as I really believe in the importance of them. Here are a few things that I do when I have my “self-care days” if I am not feeling well:
- Hot showers. I don’t know what it is but right after an almost boiling (according to my husband) shower, I just feel so much more relaxed. I almost feel like showers are a soul-cleanser.
- Face masks. I love the feeling of being pampered or “treating myself” as I hardly do it as that is the definition of mom life. Not only are you treating your skin to either an exfoliation or a moisturization, you are giving yourself some “you time”.
- Junk food or just a lot of food. I am not one to endorse emotional- eating, however for some reason I have definitely noted that I do eat a lot more of unhealthy foods and just more food in general whenever I am feeling down. However, I do eat ALL of my healthy food first as I love the natural energy I feel from eating well!
Meditate. A lot of the times, I do not go all the way with meditation. It’s either just a few minutes, no more than thirty. I either say positive affirmations, reflect on the situation I am currently struggling in, and practice mindfulness and acceptance of the situation. This has definitely helped me come to grips with reality and learn what really matters and doesn’t.
- Enjoying some tea. I cannot just say I drink tea only during these times as frankly, I drink tea everyday. Sorry, I like herb water. *shrugs*
There will be a point where you will surpass this stage, however, as every individual is different, I cannot give a set time on when people ideally pass this stage.
Congratulations, you have made it. You are now to the point you are not dwelling as much on the events that took place however long ago. You deserve an applause of some sort. Anyways, this stage is the most empowering. You have accepted what has happened to the relationship and simply see it as that.
However let me be clear:
You CAN still check on them. ( I wouldn’t recommend talking to them , maybe just asking around about them as that would just draw back in the negative energy you worked so hard to cut out of your life).
You CAN miss and think on the memories.
How do you call it quits on a toxic person? What does the process look like for you?
Please tell me if I am the only one that assigns self-care days as I do not want to feel posh and arrogant.